Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
