my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
