My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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