i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
