i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
