dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
