I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
