Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
