You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
