I want to make a zoo with you.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
