it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
