you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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