i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
