so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
operation have a gay friend backfired
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
