he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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