I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize