we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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