I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.