So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon