im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.