The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.