She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
