is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
