I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am naked and annoyed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
