..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
