Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i think i just lost a toe
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
