Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.