my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single