it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.