mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself