Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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