I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
