Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
