God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
