So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
