The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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