tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
