dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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