I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
