Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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