my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
