You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm like, not good at living.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
