It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
