you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
