and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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