dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
