dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
