I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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