it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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