make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
