The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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