Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
