I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
