If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I didn't notice because vodka
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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