Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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