I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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