dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
