It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
