i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
