I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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