Plan B is the new Plan A
Apparently you make a good broom.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
