So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
