probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
