My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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