i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
